The air is beginning to smell the ominous, heavy way it before the rain comes. The sun is starting to hid it’s face behind the clouds and suddenly the birds seem to rush for cover.
The dawn of change.
I feel as if I am stuck in this verge of an inception. An event that I have feel like I have longed for my entire life, that is so close that I can smell it’s commencement. The wait has been so long, and soon I will be able to grasp the future that I am desiring.
But why do I want to hide? Why do I want the clouds to cover me or to rush for cover?
It’s like a table has been set for me. The fork and knife are before me, and a napkin is resting on my lap. The server is now walking toward me with the dish that I have been wanting to try. But I have an urge to flee the restaurant before I can get a taste.
If this were some small, menial adjustment I would not have this feeling. Perhaps if this were a simple thing, I could feel more brave. I wish this were something I could feel sure of, then I’d feel more ready.
No, this is anything but. This is standing on the edge of this cliff and deciding whether to jump. This is taking a flight to a destination I have never been, and not knowing anyone there. Quite literally.
I have to keep reminding yourself why I must be courageous. Continue to tell myself of what I’d gain if I risk it all, and ignore the little voice in my head that is telling me to be afraid. For while that fear is entirely justifiable, deciding to have faith in this is even more so. I know that the effort I have spent on the hope of gaining this must not be wasted. All of that work I did to make this eminent and crucial event possible was done in the belief that it’s worth building all the strength to face it.
Perhaps it would benefitable to recall girl I was during the hard moments. The moments where she wasn’t sure this would ever be possible. When unknowns didn’t even compare to the magnitudes that she hoped she could receive… if she could even get a chance. The times she would cry or lie awake for hours praying that she would be able to do this one and only thing at least once.
For that girl, I will be brave in the midst of this new beginning.
The roads were slick with rain and it was dark, the highway mostly empty. I was alone with my mind, which is always quite active when I am driving alone. I was listening to Lullaby, Op. 57, No. 2 by Cyril Scott through my airpods when a thought crept into my mind.
Life is a highway, and we are all on a road trip.
I mean, life is almost an endless drive right? We have those points when we are in the fast lane. Racing past the others, perhaps in our youth. Those busy and exciting times when the the music is pounding through the speakers. The carefree moments or the consistently laborious points in life when we are going so quickly, trying to be conscious not to crash. Sometimes, one can not be careful enough.
And then you have those in the middle, the track between the fast and the slowest. The ones who have to be the most careful to stay on their lane. The driver is a bit slower because they are not sure of the direction they are taking. Passing the cars in front of them to achieve their trek to their destination or to go into the slowest lane and make an exit are the options that lay before them. This is not an easy decision though, and the stress this can cause can cause one to waver a bit.
And then there is the slowest lane. You’ll find many different people in this lane. The ones who need to make a stop for a gas refill or a rest stop. There are the ones who just want to cruise without the pressures the other two lanes hold. There are the ones who’s cars broke down on the side of the road and are on the shoulder, waiting for roadside assistance to come to their aid. And then the ones who’ve had enough of all the driving and take an exit for their last time.
We are all on the long drive, front the moment our foot touch the pedal. And with this time, the best we can do is enjoy the ride the best way we can.