Petrichor

birds flying under white clouds during daytime photo – Free Grey Image on  Unsplash

The air is beginning to smell the ominous, heavy way it before the rain comes. The sun is starting to hid it’s face behind the clouds and suddenly the birds seem to rush for cover.

The dawn of change.

I feel as if I am stuck in this verge of an inception. An event that I have feel like I have longed for my entire life, that is so close that I can smell it’s commencement. The wait has been so long, and soon I will be able to grasp the future that I am desiring.

But why do I want to hide? Why do I want the clouds to cover me or to rush for cover?

It’s like a table has been set for me. The fork and knife are before me, and a napkin is resting on my lap. The server is now walking toward me with the dish that I have been wanting to try. But I have an urge to flee the restaurant before I can get a taste.

If this were some small, menial adjustment I would not have this feeling. Perhaps if this were a simple thing, I could feel more brave. I wish this were something I could feel sure of, then I’d feel more ready.

No, this is anything but. This is standing on the edge of this cliff and deciding whether to jump. This is taking a flight to a destination I have never been, and not knowing anyone there. Quite literally.

I have to keep reminding yourself why I must be courageous. Continue to tell myself of what I’d gain if I risk it all, and ignore the little voice in my head that is telling me to be afraid. For while that fear is entirely justifiable, deciding to have faith in this is even more so. I know that the effort I have spent on the hope of gaining this must not be wasted. All of that work I did to make this eminent and crucial event possible was done in the belief that it’s worth building all the strength to face it.

Perhaps it would benefitable to recall girl I was during the hard moments. The moments where she wasn’t sure this would ever be possible. When unknowns didn’t even compare to the magnitudes that she hoped she could receive… if she could even get a chance. The times she would cry or lie awake for hours praying that she would be able to do this one and only thing at least once.

For that girl, I will be brave in the midst of this new beginning.