Petrichor

birds flying under white clouds during daytime photo – Free Grey Image on  Unsplash

The air is beginning to smell the ominous, heavy way it before the rain comes. The sun is starting to hid it’s face behind the clouds and suddenly the birds seem to rush for cover.

The dawn of change.

I feel as if I am stuck in this verge of an inception. An event that I have feel like I have longed for my entire life, that is so close that I can smell it’s commencement. The wait has been so long, and soon I will be able to grasp the future that I am desiring.

But why do I want to hide? Why do I want the clouds to cover me or to rush for cover?

It’s like a table has been set for me. The fork and knife are before me, and a napkin is resting on my lap. The server is now walking toward me with the dish that I have been wanting to try. But I have an urge to flee the restaurant before I can get a taste.

If this were some small, menial adjustment I would not have this feeling. Perhaps if this were a simple thing, I could feel more brave. I wish this were something I could feel sure of, then I’d feel more ready.

No, this is anything but. This is standing on the edge of this cliff and deciding whether to jump. This is taking a flight to a destination I have never been, and not knowing anyone there. Quite literally.

I have to keep reminding yourself why I must be courageous. Continue to tell myself of what I’d gain if I risk it all, and ignore the little voice in my head that is telling me to be afraid. For while that fear is entirely justifiable, deciding to have faith in this is even more so. I know that the effort I have spent on the hope of gaining this must not be wasted. All of that work I did to make this eminent and crucial event possible was done in the belief that it’s worth building all the strength to face it.

Perhaps it would benefitable to recall girl I was during the hard moments. The moments where she wasn’t sure this would ever be possible. When unknowns didn’t even compare to the magnitudes that she hoped she could receive… if she could even get a chance. The times she would cry or lie awake for hours praying that she would be able to do this one and only thing at least once.

For that girl, I will be brave in the midst of this new beginning.

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Holy

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In this world, I cannot fathom

anything possibly more pure than this feeling

by slight touches and soft utterings inspired

my breath escaping at the sight of your eyes alone

how can there be something so righteous

more sacred than what we share

when just your smile is my joy and strength

and your name a word I escribe with care

I cannot imagine there is something greater

for in this world, I can only say our love is holy

4/30/2021

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An Undefinable Thing

Hazy Day Photograph by Glenn Baja

do know of this thing

that you cannot quite grasp

or describe it with a word

an energy, a sort of confusion

and a kind of resolution

I can see it everywhere

but can everyone else

is it the order or the chaos

the binding or the separation

I cannot say

only that I feel it

and I notice the haziness of it

the weight and depth

whispers through and inside me

calling me to action

sometimes I ignore it

but no one can hide from it

for it is calling and comes

for us all

4/17/2021

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Attention: A Poem

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How I see the fullness of your love

in your eyes as you drink me in

I cannot escape that irresistible gaze

that is the only one that truly sees

Oh, the way your thick brows soften

when your attention is upon me

I am a flower you handle with care

and there is depth behind each touch

Your words are a melodic prose

that calm and revive my spirit

That sweet concentration is only mine

and is my only continuous desire

Attention is a continuation of a “Obsidian Eyes: A Poem”

12/10/20

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Firefly: A Poem

His contemplations had become bleak
lost determination to continue to seek
any sort of gaiety that would not find him
It no longer caused him bewilderment
the world was only cruel and bent
and had nothing for him
Until a particularly cold and dark night
when he met a minute but rising light
that seemed to come from nowhere
She was small in her form only
but her glow filled him deeply
luminescence permeated his emptiness
Her sweet smile gave him hope
for her, he would now cope
and he called her firefly

7/10/20